One night, somewhat under the influence of alcohol, I asked God if He was punishing me. I asked him out loud, had I done something wrong, had I not served him well- was it because I stopped going to church? Bottom line- what, if anything, had I done that caused me to get such a rare tumor. There was no need to wait- I heard His voice immediately within me say lovingly and clearly, “You are NOT being punished, you are NOT being punished, you are NOT being punished…I LOVE you.”
My mantra, I guess, in life has always been “Everything happens for a reason.” I still believe this to be true. I strongly believe that even before my birth, God had mapped out my life and only He knew where each future step I took would lead. Honestly, in the moment it is sometimes excruciatingly hard to accept the present and the not knowing what lies ahead. However, I can look back on many events in my life that were devastatingly difficult and realize now why they occurred and how they were each a part of God’s master plan for my life. Faith is what I need to hold on to the strongest during this journey. Faith and Courage.
One might ask how my relationship with God has changed since I was diagnosed in February, and as of presently, I do not really have a clear answer for that. However, I am certain that my relationship with Him will change, as will so many other aspects of my life. I believe that we are only given one life to live and I want to live it in a way that I can reflect on with pride.